But they brought her back 20 minutes later only to leave me with the decision to remove life support a week later...
I left work early on March 2nd because I wasnt feeling well that day. I went home and laid down for a bit and then got up later to study spanish. At 8:37 my phone rang. It was my 13 year old sister. She was hysterical and I didnt understand a thing she was saying. I said "Kelli, I dont know what your saying but I will be right there (I only live 2 streets over)". I got off the phone and told my husband and my brother that something was wrong at Moms. We all jumped in cars and sped over to her house.
Out front were 2 police vehicles. I thought to myself "Brian (my stepdad) must have fell of the wagon and done something to her). I walked up the steps to 2 officers in the doorway. I saw my Moms french doors to her room, open with my aunt and my stepdad at her side. He was on the phone with 911 and my aunt was saying "OLLIE OLLIE WAKE UP!!! YOU CANT LEAVE"! A wave of... something... came over me and I nearly fainted. My borther was holding onto my little sister who was still hysterical. I ran to Moms side and was yelling "Momma Momma!! you have to wake up Momma"!!! Then the EMT's ran into the room. She was blue, wasnt breathing and there was no hear beat. They immediately started CPR and took her into the ambulance. They sat in front of Moms house for 10 minutes trying to get her hear beat back. Then a man exited the ambulance... looked at the officers and looked at me... I said "Im her eldest"... He said "We have a faint heart beat back so we are proceeding to the hospital". I was overjoyed and ran to my car where my husband, brother and sister were waiting on me.
We made it to the hospital seconds before they did.
About 45 minutes later they came out and said they had a strong heart beat and the dr would be out to talk to us shortly. They asked how long she went without oxygen. No one was really sure. It was about 9:15 and I received the initial call at 8:37.
The doctor came out and said Mom had a seizer and a massive heart attack at the same time. She was currently stable and they had to do surgery on her so they were taking her to ICU to begin. We followed them.
An hour and 20 minutes later the doctor came out to speak with us. We all went back and he showed us the video of the surgery and the progress that was made. Then he turned to me and said "BUT... how long was she without oxygen"? I said "It was anywhere from 7-15 minutes that I know of". He said "ok... the next thing we need to work on is nuerolgic. We believe she has some swelling on the brain. We are going to do a CT scan to check". We got to go back and see her. She was only laying there... lifeless. My heart broke into pieces. My sister was a complete mess and I had to keep it together to comfort her.
The next morning we found out that there was swelling on her brain so they said that when she woke up she would have some brain damage but we wouldnt know how much or what kind until about 72 hours after she woke up.
As the days went by, the swelling got worse til she finally herniated and she was completely brain dead. We all fell to pieces.
The doctor came in to talk to me and said that we needed to start making decisions regarding life support... continue... or stop. I cried for 2 days til I realized that what I was looking at was the shell of my mother and she was already gone. I told the doctors on March 7th to stop treatment. The "Life Gift" people came in and talked to me about donating. Since I know my mother so well, I knew she would had wanted to save lives if she could so I agreed. So unfortunately... removing life support was a little more difficult than I thought. Mom needed to pass on the surgical table....
They came in and gave me, my husband, my aunt and a life long family friend; scrubs and booties to put on. We followed them to the surgical room. They prepped her and then brought us in. It was so intimidating with bright lights and so many people there ready to begin removing her organs. I immediately started crying (was really the first real time other than a few tears thought the week). She looked like she was laying on a cross. The doctor asked me if we were ready... I nodded. They removed the breathing tube and I just watched her die. When she took her last breath, I couldnt bare it anymore.. I ran out of the room down the hall and into another hallway. The chaplin followed me. I yelled and yelled in the hallway; cursing her for leaving us this way. I just wanted to throw up right there. A few minutes later my husband, aunt and friend came out in tears. I asked "is she gone", my husband nodded. I lost it again and yelled at anyone that tried to touch me. My aunt said; while tryingnot to sob to hard, "She passed at 12:50am ... I wanted you to know cause I would have given anything to know what time my mother passed". My heart hurt so badly (literally). I now know what true heartache feels like. All I could say was I didnt want her to hate me for the decision I had to make.
I miss her so much. It was a month yesterday that since Ive heard her wonderful voice. The world, life, is so scary without your mother. And now I have a 13 year old sister to comfort along the way.....
No comments:
Post a Comment